my friend died

Dear Friend,

I heard you died. I heard a car hit you.
I hate thinking of you, alone, and about to die. Did you know? Did you know you were about to die? Did you know you were about to die and were you alone?

Dear Friend

A bravest friend. The world was never on your side. You fought through so much. This life shit on you over and over again.
And then you died. Violent beginnings still, I guess, bring violent ends.

Dear Friend

I’m not sure you were meant for this world. You were always a little too light. Even when you were here, you floated. Airy enough to get swept away. And you were swept away.
Maybe you weren’t meant for here, but to me, it doesn’t matter that this was not your place. I would do anything to have you back.

Dear Friend

With the sweetest smile and a hopeful heart.
Etched in my brain.
A 21 year old boy. With pointed toes. And soft skin. I remember you happy. I remember you dancing around the upper west side. Running in the rain towards central park. Rolling spliffs on the law by the lake. Box wine and peeing in bushes. I remember you getting mad at me for falling in love with the wrong one. I remember feeling sad when you told me what they had done to you. You had been told your whole life you weren’t real. I remember loving you, but knowing you weren’t really here, even then.

Dear Friend

My heart breaks. You never get to grow old. I’m sorry the world was never fair to you. Please come back.

Dear Friend

Miss you sweet cheeks. I’ll see you in the birds.

 

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