insomnia pt. ?

i was on the bus

i hardly ever take the bus

i looked up from my book

and out the window

in the corner of my eye

i saw your name

 

well not Your name

but the same name

you use

and then

like the man in my book

who saw a face in the ocean

i saw your face

in the window

well not Your face

but the shape of your face

reflected and refracted in the light

of the window

 

and my heart

dropped

a visceral, volatile drop

the feeling of a freefall

but in my chest

down to my stomach

and then i knew

it had started

i knew i was fucked

 

 

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insomnia part 3

can you hear it

the silent scream

chest is collapsing

my chest is concaving

 

crushed by the beast

by my beast

screaming failure in my ear

the clearest sound I’ll ever hear

 

listen to the world

feel from your senses

not your own thoughts

listen to the world

 

if only I could plug my ears from my own brain
maybe then I wouldn’t be so scared

brooklyn, aug 2016