insomnia, cont.

anxiety isolates

the biggest smile

from the bluest eyes

 

reaching and reaching

falling away from breath

the moment before touch

 

whispering in my own ear

a troubling warning

of a never existing harm

 

the scolding mind

the pushing heart

expelling energy

into all the wrong caves

when it should be soaring

over a sounding sea

bk 2017

 

 

FML

when you start

falling

in love

it’s so hard

to fall asleep.

 

the warm light

birthing from my chest

spreading all the way

down to the ends of my toes

is a sunrise

in the middle of the night.

 

I bury my face

in my pillow

basking

and squirming

in the muchness

of it all.

 

 

it’s a whim of wonder,

a feeling I had forgotten

and

a sense of shame,

for being all consumed.

 

I lie awake

dreaming of all the things

that might be said

but mostly

I lie awake

terrified

because I’ve placed the power

in your eyes

and now you can truly hurt me.

everything happening all at once

my world exploded

not into a million little pieces

but into great shards of excitement, fear, pain, stress, disbelief, and love

 

and I find myself thinking:

has my luck ran out?

is this explosion the beginning of the end?

has the precarious balance of my life

been distorted?

 

or is this another awe-inducing moment

that lends itself to a happy ending

of a book that will never be written

but probably should?

 

Time no longer passes.

I use my time,

I experience my time,

I feel my time.

 

I might feel like I’m drowning.

but breaths I catch when I pull myself to the surface,

fill my lungs with the sweetest air

that I will ever taste.

 

I’m not living to write a book about my life.

but my thirst for experience is creating a life

that a book could be written about.

And I feel proud.

 

salty

a bird flew in front of my bike today
and I thought of you
I hate birds

and I hate that I care
you didn’t do much wrong
because you didn’t do much at all

only wanted to be your friend
and I can’t see how that was so hard
you’re a coward for cutting me out

I was never going to fall for you
your ego tells you lies
you’re a sheep in a monkey’s suit

brooklyn 2016

more bike poetry

one black wolf

howls in the night

he wags his tail

and runs out of sight

 

one grey dolphin

swims far and wide

making deals with fish

with no one by his side

 

one blue whale

dives to the deep

calling out to her friends

already fast asleep

 

an owl looks over

and hopes for the end

for a girl who breaks

more than she bends

I don’t even know what I’m hoping for

slipping through my fingers

shells and bones in a graveyard paradise

I’ve never known how long

to hold on

 

but we swam with the horses

and you told me I was funny

I stared at you

and never looked away

 

who will pull me out

I’m sinking

going down so quietly

I won’t wake a soul

 

a hand will reach out

it won’t be yours or mine

then you’ll let go of the doorknob,

I’ll take off the shirt

 

and we’ll be on top of different mountains

with a river of a thousand stories running inbetween us